Fight through the tears!

So today might have been the hardest part of this entire process. But let me rewind before we get to the serious stuff. Today we woke up around 9:30 am, Luba left the apartment around 7:30 to begin getting all the paperwork we needed so we could submit to the SDA on Wednesday and hopefully get a court date around the middle of next week. We heated up some borsch that Luba cooked for us for lunch then headed toward the orphanage. We arrived at the orphanage around 12:30, and as we were walking up we saw M coming back from school. You could see her looking, almost wishing it was us, then I said, “Hola!” and she came running. She jumped into my arms and gave me a big hug then gave Kate a big hug, then we gave Nashta and Olga her friends a hug, and we all walked into the orphanage together.

M told us to take a seat while they changed out of their school clothes, then she came out ready to spend some quality time with her Mama and Papa. She had to work on some homework, so we sat with her as she showed off her Hanna Montana pencil holder, her floating fish ruler, and her workbooks from school. She pulled her workbook away as if she was hiding something, and she was, she had gotten a low grade on a writing assignment and did not want us to see it. Truth is, I didn’t care because I knew she would be starting a new school soon anyway. We worked through her schoolwork with her, and then the group went to eat. As she came back we thumbed through the pictures of yesterdays photo shoot, as she shuffled through them on my iPhone she gave special attention to one picture of a little boy whose name is Nikita. She looked at her Mama and pounded her hand against her chest quickly, that’s right she said her heart races when she sees him. I was really hoping that I wouldn’t have to face that problem for a few more years, but it was very cute, so I picked on her the rest of the day. Then Luba showed up to get us to sign some paperwork and we went back to M. We played tic-tac-toe, some frog game, and checkers on my iPhone, in which M cheated almost every time to beat her Papa, very funny. Then it happened, the phone call that caused a beautiful day with our daughter to become heartbreak.

Kate, M, and myself went downstairs to talk with Luba, and she informed us that the only judge who can see adoption hearings in the entire city is out until the 25^th of September. My heart was just racing as I held my daughter close to my side. The more the conversation went on we knew that it was not possible for us to stay that long because of finances, work, and Chandler.  We had to make the hardest decision to leave M in her orphanage until we could come back for court, at which point she would be ours forever. I tried so hard to be the tough Dad that M needed in that moment but to think I had to leave the daughter we have prayed over 4 years for, without her truly trusting that we would come back for her was heart breaking. As I held M tightly I looked her in her beautiful green eyes and told her that Papa Casey and Mama Kate love her very very much, Luba translated for her that we could not do anything about this process, and that as soon as the judge got back we would come back for her. I was hurting so much because all I could think about was this little girl has never had a father, and the first chance for her to have a Papa was just slipping away from her. We sobbed, as we continually told her we loved her, and we were coming back for her. She just cried on our shoulders for about 30 minutes, I continually asked her what was her zavoot, and she would fight through the tears and say, M… Williams, we would ask her what was our names, again through the tears would say Mama and Papa. It must be so hard for her to understand that paperwork and problems are stopping her from being apart of our family. Kate measured her and told her we were going to be getting her new clothes, and we are already getting her room ready for her. We walked upstairs as she began sobbing some more and I sat down as she crawled up in her Papas lap. After felling the weight of a little girls’ heartaches on my soul, Kate showed her on the calendar when we would be back. We looked through the picture book we gave her and asked her who was in the pictures, she replied, “My Mama, My Papa, My sister, my house, my room, my school, my cat.” I know this is hard for her, as it is for us, but I am reminded of our Saviors promise in John 14:13 when he tells his disciples that he is going to prepare a place for us, and that he is coming back for us. I pray that M knows that her Papa and Mama are going to prepare a home for her, and we WILL come back for her. We walked outside, threw the Frisbee a little to lighten the mood, then had to say our goodbyes. She would just hold Kate as Luba talked to her and assured her that she was our daughter, we were her parents, and this whole process would be over before she knows it. She promised she would still love us when we came back, then held her Mama very tight. Luba said she has never seen such a connection between prospective parents and a child, she told that to M… and she just said she doesn’t want us to ever leave and she loved us from our first meeting. She walked to me as I hugged her and told her Papa lublu M.. and we would see her soon, no more tears. She started crying, I started crying, and just picked her up and wrapped her up in the arms of her broken hearted Papa. As we walked away you could hear her crying, I wanted so desperately to run back to her but I knew we had to go. As we walked the emotions were so tense, but the hope of that little girl having a family, and to know that she would soon be no longer an orphan was a joy to our soul. I told Kate the hardest part for me was that this precious child has never known a fathers love before and now has to see it walk away, it must be so hard, but I pray she has seen her fathers heart for her.

In the midst of such heartache, there is much to rejoice in, we have found our daughter, our daughter has fallen in love with the parents who loved her for years, the paperwork is all done and ready for SDA, and the only thing stopping this girl from being an official part of the Williams family is one court date. Please pray that she will be comforted by the spirit that her parents love her and are coming back for her. Pray that she will be strong through these next 3 weeks and her friends will support her. We told her we would call a couple of times through the next few weeks so we hope that will comfort her. Luba saw her crying in the arms of one of her relatives while she waited for the inspectors conclusion, and he told M… you don’t need to cry anymore, they told you that they were going to adopt you so trust them. We praise God for allowing such a tight bond and pray that we will have a speedy court date and a smooth process.